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Old 10-12-2009
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Captain-Codpiece-The-2nd Captain-Codpiece-The-2nd is offline
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Ok after my last rant on here, I have decided to balance the good/bad chi a bit. This is a true story and happened last night.

As some of you may know, I work for a bike distributor. We sell an electric bike brand that we have exclusive rights to in the UK. Long story short, I had a call from a customer in St Albans 2 months ago reporting his bike had been stolen. This particular bike is to the tune of ?1600, so no Halfords special. It wasn't insured and I really felt for the guy, as he was a good customer and a genuine nice guy. Anyway fast forward to the beginning of this week. . . . .

I get another call, from someone who sounded like Dizzee Rascal himself. He was after a charger for an electric bike, innit. I thought he didn't sound like our particular target market so took a keen interest (much more keen than my usual lax 'please dont talk to me I dont actually work here' attitude). Took the order for him, got his address, email and telephone number. Then rang the cops. Useless, as to be expected. The guy lives 0.4 miles from the chap who had his stolen, same bike, same size, only an idiot would say it was unlikely that it was his bike......unfortunately that said idiot was working the phones at Hertfordshire police that evening.

So plan B......I decided to hand deliver the charger. Went down to his address, knocked on the door of the 3rd floor flat (complete with dumped tv outside, not joking!) and no answer. I could hear him and see his shadow as he checked the peephole. No answer. So I rang him and in my best cockney gangster accent I told him I was the delivery driver. Great success! He opens the door, dressed head to toe in nike, addidas and with a black eye to match. Anyway I ended up persuading him to let me check the charger was the correct one, incase he damaged the battery. Checked the serial number on the bike, surprise surprise it was the stolen one.

Now here comes the funny bit, all along Ive had my hands free headphones on tucked into my top, on a constant call to my mate sat outside. The look on his face when I pressed the speaker and called in the cavalry was priceless. Immediately excuses started coming out about how it wasnt his bike and he was helping a mate out, and his voice went up 2 octaves. I told him I wasnt the police and he looked so confused, bless him. I then explained to him how I wouldnt call them, but we were taking the bike. funnily enough he didnt have a problem with that. He did have the cheek to ask for his ?125 back though for the charger!

Anyhow the moral of this story is; the police are rubbish, and in 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison for a crime they did not commit. these men promptly escaped from a maximum security prison and started to work for an electric bike company. If you have a problem, or are female and moderately attractive, and if you can find them, maybe you should hire the A team

Pleas note for legal reasons I am in no way implying that Dizzee Rascal stole a bike, or is indeed a thief atall. He is merely just a twat.
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Old 10-12-2009
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what an idiot

nice one lloyd
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Old 10-12-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain-Codpiece-The-2nd View Post
As some of you may know, I work for a bike distributor.
I didn't know that


Well done on the recovery, i think vigilante's are the future, the police are gash unless they have a radar gun in their hand.


How's the electric bike going? You never said you gave it back
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Old 10-12-2009
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Ha ha, yeah we did. And you're totally right, I forgot exactly how crap they are unless issuing tickets
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Old 10-12-2009
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Haha nice one, nice to hear justice prevailing for once....

I'd be careful going to these estates though, these little scrotes normally carry knives so sometimes it's not worth getting involved....

I have to defend the police to a certain degree though, my Father-in-law is the Inspector at Brixton, and if you see the amount of sh*t they have to put up with from these area's, a stolen bike from a guy that isn't bright enough to insure it is way down on their priorities - They have so much going on they wouldn't even have time to just check it out....

I think also the Police are so sick of spending time on a case like this only for it to get to court and the kid walk away with nothing but a slap on the wrist - they may as well concentrate on all the murders, shootings, stabbings and big drug deals going on.

The one thing you can take pleasure in is this kid will no doubt end up selling crack and will probably get his head smashed in or shot / stabbed (take your pick)!
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Old 10-12-2009
bigoggy bigoggy is offline
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great story, nice to hear you got the numpty
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Old 10-12-2009
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Wow.
You brave boy. I would definately not have the guts to do that at all.
I'd just go home to bed and kak my pants.
Youre the man. Probably made that blokes christmas. Good on ya.
I will however still be dishing you out a whuppin this saturday with the sc10.

Chris.
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Old 10-12-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain-Codpiece-The-2nd View Post

Pleas note for legal reasons I am in no way implying that Dizzee Rascal stole a bike, or is indeed a thief atall. He is merely just a twat.
That closing line is most excellent...

Good(and brave...)work dude... you are our hero...

"please stand and all hail the captain..."
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Old 10-12-2009
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Captain, you get an official "GOOD JOB" from me!!!! You "Got it done"
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Old 10-12-2009
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Nice one.
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Old 10-12-2009
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Last edited by jhammond; 08-06-2015 at 08:57 PM.
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Old 10-12-2009
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Justice!

It'snot the police force it's the bloody government!! Brown and his cronies

although I did get done doing 33 in a 30 wasn't amused
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Old 10-12-2009
philpac philpac is offline
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Nicely done, wish someone had gone through that effort with my nicked Kona!

As a side note, as a Halfords employee, we do plenty of bikes that cost more than that... but I do get the subtle (!) poke at the utter shite we also sell. I'm doing my best to stop people buying them... honest!
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Old 10-12-2009
chris68nufc chris68nufc is offline
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The real life Taggart. Quality story!
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Old 10-12-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyscott View Post
Justice!

It'snot the police force it's the bloody government!! Brown and his cronies

although I did get done doing 33 in a 30 wasn't amused
a good lawyer could get you off of that
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Old 10-12-2009
Alfonzo Alfonzo is offline
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Captain Codpiece - YOU DA MAN! Truly awesome work there mate!

Jhammond - that was going along nicely for me until the bit about keeping the insurance money, doesn't sit quite so well along side the justice story line.

But hey, I've done something sort of similar in the past, so I ain't taking a holier than thou stance.
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Old 10-12-2009
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captain

RAMBO!!
nice one mate, good on you.

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Old 10-12-2009
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Please dont encorage Mr codpeace,what he didnt tell you was it was his sister hahahahahahahahaha
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Old 10-12-2009
b4pete b4pete is offline
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Well done mate!!!
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Old 10-12-2009
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Brave man I hope the cutomer was pleased. If you see a beemer with blacked out windows drive past with a window down and you hear a bang DUCK.
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