Real Madrid to Buy Newcastle

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Florentino Perez the President of Spanish giants and spendaholics Real Madrid has vowed to continue to splash the this summer. Not satisfied with twice breaking the world transfere record in quick succession Perez has apparently responded to Newcastle wide boy Mike Ashley's advert and bid to buy the slumbering Geordie club.

Perez was quoted in The Spoofs Spanish siter publication "El Grande Spoofico" as suggesting that why stop at buying one player for £80M when for the price of a few peso's more you can buy a whole squad, stadium and the hopes and dreams of 50,000 loyal supporters.

Perez plans to rebrand the club as Real Tyneside and use the club as a feeder club for the Madrid club.

"The standard of football in the Championship is higher than that in the Spanish second tier" added Perez, "it makes commercial sense for use engage in a dialogue with Mr Ashley. I mean Tenerife got promoted to La Liga this season!" "The majority of our youth and squad players will be registered fo Real Tyneside and I hope to recoupe some money by the of Newcastle players. My money men have advised that there must be upwards of £500K worth of players currently on the clubs books"

When asked to comment Mr Ashley said "Pukka mate I'm sorted."

Jimmy Tenbellies chairman of the Newcastle Independant Brown Ale drinkers association added "Ha' way man bollocks n shite I divne nooo abootit."