One of your problems could be lead free solder, which has a higher melting point. It's quite hard to get proper 60/40 leaded solder now but is possible, I think RS sell it. Lead free solder also doesn't seem to flow as good.
With cheap soldering irons the tips can be poor, low thermal mass and start to pit and degrade quickly. But you can always replace the tip for a quality one on a cheap iron.
I use a Maplin 60w soldering iron station and it does nearly all my soldering, more than enough for 12AWG cables and solder posts.
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