44? mid life crisis? not any longer....due to the majority living longer the midlife crisis is now 50 ( as far as I'm concerned anyway)
Do what you like with your hair whilst you can - it'll leave you soon enough and then you won't have a choice.
It's not essential that you buy a motorbike - more 'mid life crisis' bikers are now injured or killed than young'uns that are just starting out. You could buy a sports car or convertible - I did that...you don't look any less ridiculous but at least you're more comfortable and have space for your zimmer....and I'm 53 next birthday.
If you've managed to survive financially by cutting lawns once a week or so, why change? unless of course you need to increase your spending. Working full time or running a business is a pain in the proverbial - the only reason most of do is because we have to...I know I'd give it up tomorrow given half a chance and the right financial offer.
As for taking a mistress......if you've already got a woman in your life why risk more expense and take on another..are you completely mad?
Lose the weight though...that won't do you any harm.
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