Chuck Norris
 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s**t from anybody.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

when chuck norris falls in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris!!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris fired Sir Alan Sugar.

Chuck Norris, Norris Chuck baaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one, For Chuck Norris each testicle is larger than the other one



Chuck also sounds like Duck:)

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

To much motor cleaner sniffing on here i think :eh?:

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

Chuck Norris needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masterbate

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.

Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter into Manslaughter!!

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure

Chuck Norris doesnt wank, wank gets chucked

LoL! This topic has made me sign up and do my 1st post......

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer - pity Chuck has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep - he waits.

When Chuck Norris does a push up he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Apparently under Chuck Norris' beard there isn't a chin, there's just another fist.

I wonder who would win out of a fight between the stig, chuck norris and mr T

A

chuck norris, because chuck norris doesnt just have muscles, he has a muscle and a hydrolic jack in each arm.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

chuck norris isn't hung like a horse.... horses are hung like chuck norris

chuck norris's roundhouse kicks can be seen from space.